Cheapshot

(Unfilmed Teleplay)

Writer: George Lee Marshall
Script Date: 9/21/1984
# Pages: 58
Season: 5

View Teleplay (Right-Click > 'Save Target As' to download)

Main Cast

Magnum, Higgins, T.C. & Rick

Recurring Characters

Agatha Chumley

Characters

Hillary Barnes, Jack "Cheapshot" Ashcroft, Gerald Church, "Shark" Mullen, Gus & Karl

Locations

Robin's Nest (Lawn, Driveway, Wine Cellar, Dining Room, Study, Guesthouse), "Dreamfruit Warehouse" (in Kailua Beach), Jungle Trail, Campsite

Backstories

Higgins - 1948, Mandalay. During Burma's annual uprising for independence -- Rory Woodridge, Ollie Freebairn-Smith and Higgins were out on "point" one evening, stumbling back through the jungle, exhausted, when they came upon 750-pound Bengal Tiger! "There she stood, blocking our path...majestic...immovable. Initially, she stood her ground...as we split off in three different directions. I'm afraid poor Freebairn-Smith paid the ultimate price in defense of King and Country."

Magnum - Injured by Jack "Cheapshot" Ashcroft in an Army-Navy football game. Magnum also owes Ashcroft a favor for something that happen in Vietnam.

Episode Summary (Written by SelleckLover)

Jungle setting

Two guys (Gus & Karl) with camouflage hats, khaki hunting suits, and thirty-thirties with telescopic sights are slogging through the thick jungle foilage looking for evidence of a "Tropical Sasquatch". Suddenly they see something!

"Free-falling, nostrils flared, still giving out with a wild yell. It's a fleeting and violent close look that we get of this "throwback," a gigantic half-human, half-animal "thing" with matted hair, scraggly beard and filthy appearance. However, he is given more human than animal by the fact that he is wearing old practice shorts and the remnants of a T-shirt. As his angry screaming face fills the screen, and just before impact..."

Robin's Nest - lawn - Day - Close angle on Magnum

Magnum: Aggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!! (cry of pain)

Kneeling, he holds his left thumb between his teeth, in agony. He looks at the hammer that he holds in his right hand as if the hurt was all its fault, and throws it down like an angry child. Pull back as he gets up and hops around, blowing on and nursing the damaged thumb.

Short time later

A female reporter from The Islander newspaper has come to the estate to cover the Annual Island Classic Croquet Tournament, sponsored by Robin Masters. As usual, Higgins is in charge. Magnum is predictably in charge of security. When Higgins is pre-occupied with the arrival of the guests, the reporter, Hillary Barnes, takes Magnum aside and asks if they can talk in private. For you men out there, here's the description of Hillary taken directly from the script: She is driving a VW Rabbit, and we see that Hillary is in her midtwenties, a pretty and wholesome-looking ash blond. She has a friendly open manner that makes you feel like you've always known her. She confides in Magnum that she has only taken the assignment so she can ask Magnum for help with a story about a "Tropical Sasquatch" that has been sighted on Maui. She tries to gain Magnum's confidence by telling him she saw him in an Army-Navy football game on TV and recounts individual plays of the game and scores. At first he refuses to take the case, but relents when she tells him that she has already paid T.C. to fly them to Maui and she will pay Magnum double his daily rate. She says that the owner-publisher of the paper, Gerald Church, has encouraged her to take the assignment so they can have a "big scoop" for the paper. Church is also a friend of Higgins' and is playing in the croquet tournament.

Jungle setting on Maui

After slogging through the jungle, with T.C. complaining all the way, they get caught in a trap and see "the creature". Magnum recognizes him as Jack "Cheapshot" Ashcroft, a football player of the opposing team, that sent Magnum off the field injured in the game that Hillary spoke to Magnum about in their first encounter. It also turns out that Hillary is Ashcroft's fiance. It is revealed later that Magnum "owes him one" for something that happened in Vietnam. It is also revealed that Ashcroft took money from "Shark" Mullen, a member of a crime syndicate that tried to "fix" a professional football game that Ashcroft was playing in. Ashcroft explains that he didn't follow through because he was "pumped up" for the game, and realized that he didn't have it in him to lose. The syndicate lost "big bucks", so now the chase is on for Aschcroft. Magnum suggests there's a better place for Ashcroft to hide out than the jungles of Maui....the Estate.

Robin's Nest

Magnum then tries to smuggle Ashcroft onto the Estate. After some sneaking around and trying to control Ashcroft, Higgins then discovers what Magnum is doing, due to Ashcroft getting in the middle of the croquet championship game. Gun shots and mayhem prevail. Higgins wants to call the Police, but Magnum doesn't want him to. He thinks that one the croquet players fired the shots, attempting to kill Ashcroft. Higgins pooh-pooh's the idea and says it's preposterous. Magnum has Rick run a check on the license plates on all the cars parked on the estate grounds. It turns out all the plates are clean, except for the owner-publisher of The Islander, Gerald Church's Mercedes. Rick finds out from Ice Pick that it is leased from an outfit that launders big-time gambling currency, a company owned by "Shark" Mullen. Rick gives Magnum the address of Dreamfruit Warehouse where Mullen does business.

Dreamfruit Warehouse (in Kailua Beach)

Magnum, Ashcroft and Hillary encounter Mullen and Church at the warehouse. Fighting and mayhem follows. Magnum and Ashcroft manage to work together to defeat all the body guards, Church and Mullen.

Here's the description of the last shot of the scene:

(Slow pull back from Magnum, Ashcroft and Hillary)

Magnum is seated amid the moldy crates and boxes, gazing on the pile of foes lying strewn and unconscious around him. The further back we pull, the more mayhem is exposed....and the smaller Magnum and the others become in the frame.

Ashcroft (In great spirits to Magnum): See how much fun you missed playing quarterback all those years?

(Magnum nods to Ashcroft and as we continue pulling back, the sound of police sirens are heard)

The End

Quotes

¹
(After a fracas in the wine cellar, Higgins finds out that Ashcroft drank a "couple bottles" of wine. By this time, Magnum AND Higgins are fed up with Ashcroft's behavior)

Magnum: Will you cut it out Jack?! You're a forty year old battering ram with a two year old's way of settling things. For once, take some responsibility for your actions, and think about somebody else besides yourself!

(Long tense beat. Magnum is furious, finding it extremely difficult to not go for Ashcroft, who stands poised and waiting...and hoping for it)

Higgins: Is there the slightest possibility that the two of you may kill each other?

(The moment relaxes a bit, as a very sad and weary Higgins moves across to the destroyed patio doors, and stands looking down at them. He speaks quietly, with a war raging inside)

Higgins (continuing): I'm only asking to watch.....
Magnum: Higgins, wait a minute ---
Higgins: A minute? Magnum, I've waited twelve years for my chance to host the Annual Island Classic...now "Bunky" McClowen is passing a petition to have this entire tournament voided...and then there's the matter of explaining all the damages to Mr. Masters...particularly to his beloved wine cellar...
Ashcroft: Aw, come on! I drank a few damn bottles, that's all...and I only drank the old ones.
Higgins: Yes...one dated to 1885...Magnum...why...why on this, of all weekends, did you elect to invite......Homos Cro-Magus???
Ashcroft: That's it!! The butler's history!

Special thanks to SelleckLover for providing the script & all of the info about this unfilmed episode!

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