Re: 101 Things I Learned from Watching Magnum P.I.

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Italian Ice · #1 Post by **Italian Ice** » Wed Nov 18, 2009 4:59 am

........and then some.....

I saw this on IMDB and thought I just had to share this. People just kept adding to this thread and I enjoyed reaching the entire thing and it kept me busy during these rainy days out here. Some of these are cheesy, some hilarious. Some may seem like an 'attack' to the show, but all in good fun and were obviously done by fans of the show like us. Just wanted to share them with you. Hard to pick my favorite.
ENJOY!

1. If you have a private investigators license in Hawaii, you can shoot people on a fairly regular basis and the police only give you a good stern talking to.
(Kinda gives you a new insight on Dog Chapman now doesn't it, he can only use pepper spray...hee hee hee...what a maroon)

2. If you get shot with a gun (no matter what caliber it is) you will only have a half dollar size spot of blood on your shirt

3. In the 1980's everybody over age of 30 had either worked for a goverment espionage agency (ours or someone else's) or had been involved with secret military operations at some time in the 70's.

4. You can live in Hawaii without actually spending money, you can just keep bartering favors for goods and services.

5. You can use the same actors in several differant episodes, just use differant names, no one will know the differance.

6. Private Detectives need to drive espensive flashy cars.

7. You can land your helicopter just about any where in hawaii.

8. You can drink a beer before noon in Hawaii and not be known as an alcoholic.

9. In Hawaii, even if you have a mansion big enough to have its own cutesy name (Robin's Nest), you still won't have a swimming pool, preferring instead to use the tidal pool.

10. Tall men have a difficult time fitting in little Italian sports cars.

11. Your helicopter can take numerous bullet hits, but will not explode, and you'll always have (just) enough fuel to make it to the next island.

12. Magnum NEVER wears a shirt when he runs (thank goodness).

13. The Hawaii Iron Man Triathalon is not very difficult to train for...you can do it one episode!

14. You can work for a guy for 8 years and never meet him. (See Also, Charlie's Angels.)

15. The longer one's legs, the shorter one's shorts.

16. Dobermans never age (or at least show no signs over an 8-year period)...must be the exclusive diet of raw meat, thrown from the balcony by Higgins.

17. The Navy lets its officers sport bushy moustaches (see flashbacks), even in times of combat it tropical climates.

18. Saying "Hi Guys" in a cheerful voice to large burly men is a sure fire way to get punched in the nose.

19. A ringer softball player can actually throw strikeouts.
20. A Russian MiG is actually an F-4 painted black.
21. Stray Russian pilots will be intercepted by American F-4's painted the proper color.
22. Tour pilots in Hawaii get so little business that they go anywhere at the drop of a hat.
23. Hawaii radio stations play only play hit songs that are not sung by the original artist.

24. Bright red Ferraris make excellent surviellance vehicles, that nobody ever pays attention to.

25. Tall men in loud Hawaiian shirts and extremely short shorts are also excellent surveillance vehicles. No one ever notice or recall them loitering about and/or snooping.

26. Only in Hawaii can you drive from your home that is on the far east side of the Island to the Airport in under 20 Minutes flat (in rush hour traffic) and then board your flight with out parking your call in the lot and just leaving it in the drop off and pick up in front of the airline. Even though it takes people who really live in that neighborhood over an 1 hour just to get to drive to the airport then another hour to park and last but not least, another hour to check in and go through security (And that was before 9/11) now it can take as much as 2 hours to go though security.

27. White boat shoes and a sport coat always make high-waisted skin tight dungarees look professional enough to wear to a business meeting.

28. Warning: The G-force of a tour helicopter may possibly cause your pants to fall down. Therefore: always back up your belt with a pair of wide bright colored suspenders, as recomended by Theodore Calvin.

29. PI'S in Hawaii prefer to be called Private Investigators,

30. You can always count on your " Little Voice" to get you through difficult situations.

31. You can always conquer your fears and enemies by giving them the nickname of "HERRMANN"

32. Vietnam Vets tend to flock to Hawaii

33. A Detroit Tigers Hat is an important piece of the Private investigators wardrobe.

34. Older British Men Know just about everything.

35. Junior naval officers can be repeatedly duped into breaking Navy regulations and federal laws in order to help private investigators even after they tell said investigator that they “Aren’t going to fall for his con job this time”.

36. Retired Mafiosi aren’t criminals and killers so much as they are just old guys who can trace phone numbers and license plates and who don’t mind passing on information about current criminal activity to private investigators who regularly help the police.

37.-they never eat in hawaii or order an espresso

38.- the buttlers have maids

39.- PIs can get their butts kicked by girls

40.- The US send to vietnam soldiers armed only with a pistol

41.- millioners own: Ferraris, Audis and a Jimmy??? or Jeep XJ?

42.- in Season 7 episode 3 a deaf girl get scared because the sound of the shots while she is hiding under a desk

43. If your Ferrari explodes, a new one will appear.

44. You can loiter outside the Belgian embassy and stalk 'diplomats' on their way out of the country with no problems.

45. The 'He Needed Killin'" defense works in Hawaii. (See Ivan)

46. You can reactivate your Manchurian Candidate via chewing gum. (See TC in Did You See the Sun Rise)

btw, the classic movis shown in "did you see the sunrise" was "stalag 17". not "the manchurian candidate".

47. You can assault and batter Naval officers with no consequences.

48. In the late 70s/early 80s, moustaches weren't just for porn stars anymore!

49. The KGB was involved in Vietnam.

50. Beer is breakfast.

51. Expert killer martial artists always blink before they strike. Also, if that should be the case, it's okay to shoot them.

52. only about 40 contestants joined the hawaiian iron man contest 1981
(wonder why one of them started with no 62)

53. Always remind your lady clients that you do not get involved with your lady clients, just before you kiss them.

54. Noone ever heard about "don`t drink and drive" and especially a well known private investigator with several scotch on the rocks is still a very steady driver

55. Ferrarri's trunk is in the front
56. Dont take Ki'is from the Island they give you really bad luck, you can even suddenly die.
57. Private Investigators get out of tickets just by testifying as an expert witness for the prosecutor.
58. Hawaii will some day have a Garbage Problem.
59. There is no quick sand in Hawaii.
60. Old Dusselldorf in a long neck is the preferred beer of private investigators.

61. Texas, Vietnam, and Lake Michigan all have similar land scapes as Hawaii

62. Hawaii can double for Ireland.

63. It's perfectly normal to live off of junk food and beer yet also compete in physically grueling "Iron Man" contests and kayak races.

64. Navy SEALs are wimps.

65. As a private Investigator its perfectly normal to have near death, out of body experiences

66. As A private investigator its perfectly normal to have serial killers call you with tips on their next victim.

67. In Hawaii very serious gun charges can get dropped if your name is mispelled on the warrant.

68. beeing rich in the 80´s means you own a lot of antiques, including your tv-sets and telephones

69. Never look at the dogs, while working the lock

70. Managers of exclusive private clubs in Hawaii are entitled to wear shirts with epaulets, at least for a few years in the early 80s.

71. Even after the show was no more, here we are 20 years later speaking fondly of it.

72. A single Tom Selleck punch can KO any villian, no matter how big, strong, tough or well trained they are.

73. A person shot with a silencer,will never scream out to alert his comrades
74. The same person who is shot with a silencer will never fall/crash into something,therby alerting his comrades.
75. There will never be police available when you discover the real murder is someone on the other side of the island. So of course you have to race across town/island to save someone in the nick of time.

76. TC never opened the Ferrari, just jumped in and out, could have been build without the doors for him (wonder what he would do on a rainy day?!)

77. A killer theme song can make even the cheesiest of TV shows kick ass

78. If you are going to use a buddies helicopter make sure it has magical doors that are sometimes on and sometimes off (removed from the aircraft) in one trip.

79. Don't carry your gun around all the time as then you will not be in jeapordy when the situation warrants it.

80. In the early 80's all the police cars were actually early 70's vintage.

81. If you starred in Ba Ba Black Sheep you had a 98% chance of showing up on this show.

82. That being a big tall hunky side of beef, doesn't preclude you from laughing like a little girl...a hee hee hee a hee hee hee

83. Rich writers like to pretend they are major domos, while figuring out their next cheesy pulp novel.

84. US Navy Officers get dozens of job offers for private security from rich guys.

85. Robin Masters must have a good health plan.

86. beeing on boring all-day-long investigations all you need is a partner to play "20 questions" with, enough to eat, video games, books and crossword puzzles (and a Ferrari big enough to carry all that stuff)

87. always enter hotel rooms very carefully, especially with Japanese Samurai inside

88. Better to be a friend that is a girl than a girlfriend of a p.i. The female friend made it to the final episode while the girlfriends did not fair so well. They were injured by cars blowing up, did themselves in, in a car that blew up, got stood up, or got dumped.

89. Hawaii is a magic place. A person can be shot countless times and never show a scar.

90. You don't mess with a man's chicken!

91. Despite the 'top notch' security Magnum was hired to provide for Robin's Nest, strangers and new clients wander into the estate and Magnum's house on a regular basis.

92. One can get 8 years of wear out of a hooded green bath robe.

93. In the 1980's, every ex-military person, with the exception of Larry Manetti, had a moustache.

94. the more I watch the more I want to see (daily dose is up to 2 and a half episodes by now)

95. On any given episode, the plot can veer wildly from silly slapstick to heartrending drama.

96. Mobsters are pretty nice guys after they retire (see Icepick)

97. As unidentifiable as a red Ferrari is a helicopter with giant orange and yellow stripes

98. Half-siblings are always virtual twins (see Elmo Ziller, Father Paddy McGuinness, Don Luis Mongueo)

99. Small children who only speak French and Vietnamese can understand English

100. People in comas should be talked about like they're dead, and visited in the hospital later

101. Time actually does have little to do with infinity and jelly donuts

I know that the list is over, but I wanted to add a few things...I actually registered just so that I could add this things to this list, hope that's alright...can we change the title to 110 thing I learned from Magnum PI..hehe

102. Only in Hawaii can you grab a Royal Prince and physically assault him by spanking him without getting killed.

103. Only in Hawaii can you crash a plane into someones tidal pool and not have to worry about an environmental impact from all the oil and trash from the plane.

104. Only in Hawaii can you lay out in the sun all day long after a Chinese Martial Artist drugs you and not get a REALLY BAD sun burn.

105. You can get killed in Vietnam and somehow survive and travel to the U.S. and one day be a decorated member of "21 Jump Street".

106. Only in Hawaii Waters can you detonate a bomb large enough to sink a yacht and not have the sonic waves kill the dolphin that carried the darn thing to the ship to begin with. (We have special ocean water here!!!!)

107. Only in Hawaii can you film strippers at club Hubba Hubba, on stage and have them topless during brief moments that the camera flashes past them and not get cencored by the t.v. gods...thank God for DVD and slow mo!!!!

108. Never hide your make up kit to make it look like you got a black eye behind the bar after planning to rob your bosses to pay off your gambling debt.

109. To top that, never wear stupid looking underwear to a nightclub cuz it might get robbed and everyone might be forced to take off their clothes and stand around naked for a long time for no apparent reason and WE'LL NEVER KNOW WHY THEY HAD TO THAT!!!

110. Never believe an overweight Texan who used to run a Baskin Robbins 1 flavor (see blazing saddles), who has a fake British accent, whose the brother to numerous illegitimate brothers and A SISTER, who has made your like a living hell for the last 8 years and who cut your fake chickens head off and sank your kayak when they tell you that they are in fact a rich eccentric writer of cheap pulp novels.

111. Even multi-millionares can't afford a paved driveway in Hawaii.

112. T.C. likes kids... alot...

113. VW microbuses are kinda cool.

114. T.C. likes his Gatorade orange but he'll "drink it green"

115. Tom Magnum is 6'4" and weighs 205 pounds according to his drivers license.

116. Tom Magnum never misses the Army/Navy game.

117. Higgens loves to watch championship snooker via sat

118. nobody wants to hear higgy talk about his time in the service.

119. Only in Hawaii can you sock someone in the face just for saying a smart remark.

120. In Hawaii, if you dodge a bullet by a couple of inches, you just shrug your shoulders and keep walking toward the shooter unafraid of being shot at again.

121. Hawaii is the place where if you see somoene get shot, the first thing you do is look to see if the money they had was stolen.

122. Private Investigation 101 would be my favorite class of field trips to garbage dumpsters and breaking into places to spy on others.

123. When having a mental breakdown you must grow a beard

124. your buddy who died in a explosion in your car, will come back a couple of seasons later, sporting a tache the same as you.

125. TC doesn't drink

126. Rick has a glass jaw

127. You will always learn a lot from Luther Gillis

128.That Ernest Borgnine even at 187 years old can kick all our asses.

129. Ivan didn't know Thomas as well as he thought.

130. You can apparently shoot a foreign "dignitary" with his chauffeur nearby and apparently the chauffeur won't hear anything.

131. You can kiss your hot beautiful clients, sock your enemies to the ground, sporting shorts,
And drink beer and be able to do all this while on the job.

132. judge reinhold was an easy desk clerk to fool.

#2 Post by **J.J. Walters** » Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:32 am

Haha! There's some good ones in there!

"A single Tom Selleck punch can KO any villian, no matter how big, strong, tough or well trained they are."

LMAO!

Carmen · #3 Post by **Carmen** » Wed Nov 18, 2009 9:57 am

Amazingly I can`t remember which ones are mine. Did 4 or 5 and had very much fun reading this stuff a while ago.
BTW, I visited TS`s site on IMDB yesterday and found this:

In Development:
Three Men and a Bride (details only on IMDbPro

IKnowWhatYoureThinking · Wed Nov 18, 2009 2:06 pm

Nice list! You can also drink all of the free beer and wine you want. You can smoke free cigars bummed off a British Major domo. You can run up tabs at a plush oceanside club and never have to settle. You can also do the same for gas on helicopter flights!

Estate resident · #5 Post by **Estate resident** » Wed Nov 18, 2009 5:00 pm

^ That took alot of thought & effort! Great post.

Love #26. Its sad how Robin's Nest now sits what looks to a delapidated, run down neighborhood.

#6 Post by **Doc Ibold** » Thu Nov 19, 2009 3:02 am

That was AWESOME!

I have to think of a few

Commandress · #7 Post by **Commandress** » Mon Nov 23, 2009 1:52 pm

Wonderful!

I have to confess, if you'd never seen MPI and read that list, you'd think the show was utter nonsense!

MACattack · #8 Post by **MACattack** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 1:59 am

You forgot a few spoils:

133. In Hawai'i, if you're charged with felony gun charges, your sentence is only 2 episodes in jail.

134. it's possible to drink a beer, talk on the phone, and spy on nude Swedish twins at the same time.

135. Thomas Magnum is immortal, he cannot die.

136. short shorts are sexy (not gay)

137. Thomas Magnum was born on a leap year, hence his birth date changes periodically throughout the show

138. the deadliest gang on the islands is a bunch of juvenile bikers called the "Shivs"

139. private investigators in Hawai'i always use PATCHISMO cologne.

Jay-Firestorm · #9 Post by **Jay-Firestorm** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 1:35 pm

Really funny thread, cheered me up this cold December morning.

IKnowWhatYoureThinking · Fri Dec 04, 2009 1:50 pm

Good additions Macattack. Let's keep them coming guys!

Steve · #11 Post by **Steve** » Fri Dec 04, 2009 10:50 pm

140. You can take a dip in the tidal pool, slap a baseball cap on your wet, ocean smelling hair and still not get "hat hair".............

N1095A · #12 Post by **N1095A** » Sat Dec 05, 2009 12:05 am

141. Private Investigators in Hawaii can drink beer in front of, play tricks on, and appear completely incopetent to prespective clients, and still get hired.

142. You can park a Ferrari anywhere on Oahu, unlocked with the top off, even in the worst neighborhoods, and nothing will happen to it.
Exceptions: 1)If you're looking to make contact with a guy who runs a chop shop, parking the Ferrari on a quiet residential street will get it stolen by that guy's crew. 2) If you're late for an Army/Navy game, You're on the other side of the island, and it's raining, the radio will get stolen. Other than that you're okay.

143. You can make a decent living as a Private Investigator in Hawaii even though 90% of your cases don't have paying clients.

144. You can leave a $1500 surfski and paddle on the beach with waves lapping against it, and expect it to be there when you return.

145. The only big trucks on Oahu are two tone gray Ford C series.

146. Over the course of a single day it's normal for Private Investigators in Hawaii to change clothes several times.

MadBuck0186 · #13 Post by **MadBuck0186** » Sun Dec 06, 2009 11:51 pm

MACattack · #14 Post by **MACattack** » Tue Dec 29, 2009 2:31 am

Here's a few more:

148.If you're name is Mac, you'll die and come back as a con man with a thousand names and a moustache!

149.. Red 308 Ferraris have a cloaking device that works in the sunlight.

150. Hawai'i is only 3 miles away from Vietnam, South America, France, San Francisco, or any other place the writers set the stories in. (Which probably made it easier to film!).

151. If you're a retired cop name Doheny, you have every right to slam a Samoan's head through a window, and throw another dude off a building! I guess that's proper police procedure in New York City, but the cops in Honolulu don't mind.

152. Garbage trucks are safe to jump into from 6 story buildings!

perfectlykevin · #15 Post by **perfectlykevin** » Thu Dec 31, 2009 8:44 pm

LOL! I don't have any of my own (YET!) but some of the ones I love...

18. Saying "Hi Guys" in a cheerful voice to large burly men is a sure fire way to get punched in the nose.

39.- PIs can get their butts kicked by girls
"she was a really big nun!!!"

69. Never look at the dogs, while working the lock
classic!

82. That being a big tall hunky side of beef, doesn't preclude you from laughing like a little girl...a hee hee hee a hee hee hee

128.That Ernest Borgnine even at 187 years old can kick all our asses.

Kev